After taking a month off, because of rain, flooding and laziness I am back at walking. I walked 2.7 miles today, not my longest walk but for being out of it for a month I think it’s an ok distance. I have to get back on the getting in shape train.
It’s flooding all around us. Weather is expecting it to rain for the rest of the week. So I guess I better go buy some water and bread so if we do get trapped in the house we have stuff to eat and drink. I know I shouldn’t complain, most of my friends would kill for rain seeing that California is in the middle of one of their worst droughts in decades, but I’m tired of rain, I’m tired of being trapped in a house with 2 energetic children. I just want sunshine and I want it NOW!
It’s raining…. Again….. I’m tired of rain.
I’m not going to go into detail about what has been changing in my life, but all I know is, for the first time in a really long time I like who I am. I’m happy with who I am becoming and with who I am at the moment. I can honestly say that ever since my first year in college I haven’t liked myself. Maybe it’s because for a long time I’ve put off dealing with emotions and actions of the past. Shoving them so far down that it’s almost like they didn’t happen, or that they don’t matter, but they do matter. It is because of the actions and choices of the past that I’ve become who I am. I think a turning point in all of this was because of two of my friends. One I’ve known for quite awhile and the other is a new but what I like to call a forever-friend. These two women have encouraged me to really dig deep into my past with God’s guidance and to root out the cause of my self-hatred, because I think that’s what it was, I hated myself and couldn’t forgive myself for the things that I did and the people that I had hurt. Well I discovered the root, and with Gods help I’ve worked through it, and now there is such a feeling of freedom and lightness. I can look at myself in the mirror and I don’t see a woman that should feel shame and ugliness, but a woman that sees joy and beauty. I know that there are going to be days that I battle those feelings of self loathing and self-hatred, but with God’s help and the help of my amazing husband, I’ll be able to walk with my head held high knowing that I am healed.
I am beautiful inside and out. That’s how God sees me, it’s how my husband sees me, so it’s how I should see myself.
I thought this was a really interesting video. Which door would you pick?
whispers in the late of night
telling me that i’m worthless and fake
that i hide behind the perfect picture
that i refuse to be true
so what is the truth
voice of lies and hate?
what i have is true and real
what you offer is fake and filled with despair
this love you offer i’ve had and no more do i want it
so take your hate and your lies
voice filled with empty promises
fall away into the dead of night
and return to me no more.